i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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