When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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