3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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