At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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