having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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