Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
