meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
