I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
