butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
