just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
