hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
