it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
