does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
