I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
