Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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