All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
