# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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