I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
