I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
