She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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