My underwear smells like fireworks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
