one two three fourrrrnication!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
