we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
