There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
