Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
