I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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