I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize