so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize