Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
