I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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