Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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