I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
