paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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