So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this boner is exhausting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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