Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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