I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
