he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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