Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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