Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
