She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
