whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
