if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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