Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
