you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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