Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
