I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Mom said you looked used
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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