Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
