i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
