I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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