he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
