Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize