I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize