A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
