Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
