would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
