I hope mine doesn't look like that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize