Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
the liver wants what the liver wants
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize