why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
