my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
