Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
