quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
