Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
