It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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