dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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